I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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