I like my sex mixed with concussions.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
