Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
