Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
