I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
