I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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