FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
