Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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