Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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