Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
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