I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
