I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
