My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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