yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
