I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This baby is an asshole
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
