just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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