mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
