I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
