New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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