I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
