did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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