yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
