Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
