You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize