The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
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I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
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Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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