we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
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I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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