I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I didn't notice because vodka
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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