If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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