new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
