I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
