So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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