it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
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I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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