I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
