Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
