On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
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He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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