ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
