Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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