I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
