I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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