Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
