Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
