No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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