she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
