sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize