You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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