I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
