2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
