dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
