Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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