You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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