The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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