We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
