You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
