Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
