I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
