I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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