Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
