so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
