Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You left your phone here
Wait...
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