i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
