Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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