Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I supernannyed him into submission
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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