I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
