I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
