I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
