so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
