What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
