If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
