There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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